Why Pain in Birth Isn’t What You Think It Is…

Let’s talk about pain. It’s the one thing nearly every woman fears when it comes to childbirth. The image of screaming, writhing women in labor has been burned into our collective consciousness, thanks to Hollywood, horror stories, and a society that equates birth with suffering. 

But the thing no one tells you is: Pain in childbirth isn’t inevitable. It isn’t the price you pay for bringing life into the world. In fact, much of the fear and tension surrounding birth pain is programmed into us, not born from reality. And the good news? You can deprogram it. 

You don’t have to walk into labor terrified of what’s to come. 

You don’t have to let fear take the wheel and turn birth into a battle. 

When you understand the root of those fears and start to rewrite the narrative, you’ll discover that birth can be intense, yes, but also transformative, manageable, and even beautiful. 

Where Does the Fear of Pain Come From? 

Be honest: Pain is one of the most effective tools used to control how we think about birth. From a young age, we’re taught to fear it—through stories, media, and even well-meaning advice from loved ones. 

But here’s the kicker: Fear creates tension, and tension creates pain.

It’s called the fear-tension-pain cycle, and it’s a vicious loop that starts in your mind and manifests in your body. When you’re afraid, your muscles tighten, your breathing becomes shallow, and your body resists the natural process of labor. The result? Pain that feeds the very fear you’re trying to avoid. 

The fear doesn’t start in your body—it starts in your mind. And that’s where the work of deprogramming begins. 

Pain Doesn’t Have to Be the Enemy 

Here’s a perspective shift that might blow your mind: Pain isn’t the villain it’s made out to be. In childbirth, sensations labeled as “pain” are often just your body’s way of communicating. 

They are signals, not suffering. 

Your body knows what it’s doing, and those sensations—pressure, stretching, intensity—are signs that it’s working exactly as it should. When you stop resisting those sensations and start working *with* them, the fear starts to melt away. 

What if, instead of dreading the pain, you approached it with curiosity? What if you trusted that every sensation had a purpose? THIS mindset shift can change everything. 

Deprogramming the Pain Narrative 

Deprogramming your fears about pain starts with unlearning the lies you’ve been told and replacing them with empowering truths. It’s about shifting from a mindset of fear to one of trust, surrender, and connection. 

Step 1: Question the Stories You’ve Heard 

Who told you birth was supposed to hurt? Was it a friend, a family member, or a movie? Are those stories grounded in truth, or are they reflections of someone else’s fear? 

When you start to examine the origin of your beliefs, you’ll realize that many of them aren’t even yours. They’ve been passed down, and you have the power to let them go. 

Step 2: Reframe Pain as Power 

Instead of seeing pain as something to avoid, try reframing it as a source of power. Those sensations are evidence of your body’s strength, not its weakness. They’re the fuel driving your baby’s journey into the world. 

Affirmations can be a powerful tool here. Replace “I’m afraid of the pain” with “I trust my body and its signals.” Repeat it often enough, and you’ll start to believe it. 

Step 3: Connect With Your Breath 

Breath is your anchor in labor. Deep, intentional breathing doesn’t just keep you calm—it sends a message to your body that you’re safe. And when your body feels safe, it’s less likely to interpret sensations as pain. 

Practice slow, diaphragmatic breathing throughout your pregnancy so it becomes second nature during labor. When the intensity builds, your breath will be your lifeline. 

Pain Is Temporary, but Fear Can Be Forever 

Here’s the raw truth: Pain in labor is temporary. It comes in waves, and each one brings you closer to meeting your baby. But fear? Fear can linger. It can shape how you experience labor, how you remember it, and how you feel about yourself as a mother. That’s why deprogramming your fears about pain is so important. It’s not about eliminating discomfort—it’s about taking back control of how you respond to it. It’s about reclaiming birth as a powerful, intuitive experience instead of a terrifying ordeal. 

You Were Made for This 

You don’t have to approach birth with dread. You don’t have to believe the narrative that pain is inevitable, unbearable, or a sign that something’s wrong. You were made for this, and your body knows exactly what it’s doing. Deprogramming your fears is the first step toward trusting yourself and your body. When you let go of the fear, you make space for the trust, surrender, and power that birth demands—and deserves. 

Ready to Let Go of the Fear? 

If you’re ready to rewrite the narrative and approach birth with confidence, book a 1:1 coaching call and we can chat about actionable tips and strategies to help you trust yourself and embrace the journey ahead. 

What fears about pain have you had to unlearn? Share your story in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’re stepping into your power and reclaiming your birth!